You found us.
That’s either a good sign or a terrible one. The voices haven’t decided yet.
Homeless Simulator is a roguelike about surviving the streets of St. Desolation — a city that peaked in 1984 and never recovered — as a man who can’t trust his own mind. It’s a dark comedy. It’s rated R. Nobody asked for it and we’re building it anyway.
What exists right now
A procedural city that reshuffles every time you die. A combat system with hit stop, screen shake, and knockback because a game where you fight raccoons with a flat tire should feel like something. An inner voices system that comments on your decisions, warns you about danger that isn’t there, and goes quiet right before something kills you.
Four weapons. Nine items. Five enemy types — including pigeons that remember if you hit one of their friends, and raccoons that play dead at 25% HP and then get back up and steal your food when you walk away.
A dumpster diving system where 10% of dumpsters contain angry raccoons instead of loot.
A goose that can’t die.
What doesn’t exist yet
Most of it. Ten zones are designed on paper — including one inside a whale and one that may or may not be a different dimension. There are 30+ weapons in the design doc, from Toilet Seat Nunchucks to a Shopping Cart Battering Ram that scoops enemies into the cart as you charge. There are chain reaction systems where knocking over a trash can leads to a cat lady throwing cats at you leads to the fire department showing up.
None of that is built yet. But the foundation is solid, the combat feels crunchy, and the raccoons are incredible.
What this blog is
Dispatches from development. What’s being built, what broke, what the design process looks like when you’re making a game about a man whose brain is actively working against him.
No schedule. No promises. Just transmissions when there’s something worth transmitting.
Why
Because the best roguelikes tell emergent stories that nobody scripted. Because dark comedy is how real people survive real things. Because permadeath is the only honest difficulty mechanic. Because somewhere between “I have nothing and I’m going to die” and “I’m fighting a 6-foot raccoon with a stop sign and I have 2 HP and half a hot dog” is the funniest game nobody’s made yet.
The next transmission will cover the combat system in detail. Or it won’t. The schedule is as reliable as the narrator.